I sat in the church cry room as my children played and the congregation took communion. There in the one way window, I looked at my reflection.
There was a strong woman looking back at me.
Shock registered. She had not been there for some time.
I am a strong woman. I can do this. I am doing this.
I always thought of myself as strong, but for the last year I was not so sure. Being responsible for small lives was bigger than I thought. Motherhood weakened me. Weathered and worn, I doubted myself and my ability. I questioned my competence overcoming challenges. It seemed challenges overwhelmed me.
Until I looked in the mirror. And I saw a strong woman looking back. Not a worried woman. Not a weary woman. A strong woman.
Since I was a teenager I knew my calling. Not my job or title, my calling. I took my eyes off calling. And I became weak. I became wife, mother, and teacher. And I thought those titles defined me. They did not define me. They have never defined me. Call defines me. But I lost it. I thought if I lived up to the title, life would be okay. It wasn’t.
So I have come back to basics. Come back to the call. The beautiful call. The heavenly words of my Saviour, “Go up the mountain.” It is all I am to do – go up the mountain. But I did not.
I stopped ascending and started fussing. I stopped breathing Him and started hyperventilating. I stopped climbing the mountain of God, and tried to climb the mountain of worlds best mother. Priorities out of whack. Completely. And it made me weak. It wasn’t Samson’s hair, it was his priorities. They were awry, and he became weak.
I am going up the mountain. The strong woman is back. The cool wife, the fun mum. Because it is not about titles or expectations. I do the will of my Father. And that is enough. It is always enough.
What is your call? What is the one thing God wants you to do? Do it. Forget the titles. Forget your job. Get your eyes back on the call, and feel strength return.
You are strong. Strength lies in your call.