What I’ve Learnt in my First Year as a Senior Pastor’s Wife

She had a perm, bleached hair, high-heels and a frilly dress. And when she walked down the isle of the church she floated. Her children handsomely dressed, her husband the very definition of anointed. She was the pastor’s wife and from my nine year-old view, almost an angel.

I never saw myself as a pastor’s wife. Yet here I am. A pastor’s wife. Sans the big hair, frilly dresses, flawless makeup, home-cooked hospitality, pristine home, manicured lawn and everything else that screams pastor’s wife.  
A non-traditional, flat-haired, non-casserole-making pastor’s wife.

I am not like other pastor’s wives.

And I’m okay with that.

I am a pastor’s wife because I am married to a pastor, but I was a pastor before he married me. I am just as much a pastor as he is. We are Senior Pastors together. We lead together. We cast and outwork vision together. Our calling is to minister together.

Pastor’s wives in the new millennium are not the same because God has unique gifts and callings for us all.

Pastors wives are just like you.

Yes, I just said pastor’s wives are unique, but I would like to debunk a common myth: pastor’s wives are not perfect. Let me reassure you, your pastor’s wife is just like you.

She has good days, she has bad days. She folds the washing. She stands on Lego pieces down the hall. She doesn’t pray 24/7. Her kids talk back to her. She feels inadequate at times. She struggles with loneliness. She feels misunderstood.

Yet she shows up and sits on the front row every Sunday looking like that wasn’t her week.

Your pastor’s wife is more like you than you know. If she ignores you in the shopping centre she didn’t mean to. She doesn’t deserve to be criticised or gossiped about, because she has never done that to you. She has understood your life and your private struggles, and she’s prayed. Because she’s a good woman.

Just like you.


I can handle it.

“Okay, Sarah, this is the big leagues. You can’t flesh out anymore. Put your big girl pants on – you are the Senior Pastor.”

That was the conversation I had with myself while doing my make up, the morning my husband and I became Senior Pastors of our church.

How could I feel so ready yet so overwhelmed at the same time?

But that morning I made a choice. I decided I would handle it – whatever “it” may be. There were no more excuses. No more games. No more tantrums. The buck stopped with me. I would not burn out or blow up.

Being a pastor’s wife has certainly not been easy, and I know in this journey there will be greater challenges still, but I have decided this is my calling and I can handle it. Senior Pastor. Pastor’s wife. Mother of Princes. Daughter of the King. In all things and in all situations, I can handle it.

Full article published on Crosswalk.com.

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More about Sarah Coleman

Sarah Coleman is wife, mother of two boys, writer, pastor, teacher and friend. She loves Jesus with a passion and the feel of Australian sand beneath her toes.

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